This is Part II of a 5 part series “5 Bogus Coaching Cliches (and better alternatives). Click here for Part I.
Cliche #4: Increase your motivation to overcome your resistance
This approach asks you to overpower your resistance by adding and adding to your motivators until it is finally big enough to tip the scale.
Think of adding motivation as pressing on the gas pedal, and your resistance as pressing on the brake. This philosophy is asking you to keep pressing harder on the gas pedal while your foot is still on the brake! It may work eventually, but it is wasting a ton of energy, and you’ll run out of gas pretty fast. In real life terms, this shows up as overwhelm and burnout.
Instead, how about taking your foot off of the brake? Then, any energy you add to the gas pedal will have its full effect! You’ll have enough energy to go around and you won’t feel like your additions of energy are fruitless.
The other problem with overpowering the “no” with a bigger “yes” is that it only works for that one situation. Next time you are challenged, those same “no” feelings will come back and you’re back to square one. Using tapping, you can get to the root of the “no” feelings and dissolve them, so they don’t come back in a similar situation. Sure, going through the tapping process does take some effort, but the fruits of your efforts are far reaching and lasting!
I spoke to someone this morning who told me he’s been wanting to write a book for a long time, but hasn’t started. He has plenty of enthusiasm and motivation for writing this book, but the “no” voice has been winning so far. Lets take a look at some possible sources of this “no” voice:
1. I’m not expert enough
2. Nobody will listen to me
3. I’ve never written a book before
4. Nobody knows who I am
These are all fabulous tapping statements!
Lets make them even stronger, by adding feeling statements:
1. I’m not expert enough, therefore I feel inadequate/useless
2. Nobody will listen to me, therefore I will be embarrassed if my book is ignored
3. I’ve never written a book before, therefore I won’t do it perfectly, and that’s scary
4. Nobody knows who I am, therefore I feel discredited
If you can relate to these, go ahead and use these, or ask yourself what activity have you been really juiced up to do for a long time, but haven’t started. Now ask what your “no” voice is telling you (it doesn’t have to sound rational, it just has to feel real). Create your own statements similar to the ones above.
Now rate how true each of these statements feels to you, from 0 – 10
Tap for several rounds on the first statement, and see if the number goes down.
If the number remains above zero, think of a specific event earlier in your life when you felt similarly. Go back to that time in your mind, conjure up as many sensations as you can remember using your 5 senses. Walk yourself through that event moment by moment, noting what happened and how you felt. Rate the feeling from 0-10 and tap on the feeling at that moment.
Perhaps you remember being the last one picked for the kickball team (yeah, me too you might remember the anticipation as others were being chosen, the dread as the group dwindled and you were still unchosen, someone saying “don’t pick her”, the look of resignation on the captain’s face as he “got” you by default on his team. Each of these deserves a few rounds of tapping each. Create statements for each moment that includes an emotion:
“ worry that I’d be last again “
“ hopelessness as the group dwindled ”
“ humiliation when I saw the look on his face “
Tap using each of these statements until your emotional intensity approaches zero. Do this for each of the numbered statements, one at a time.
Next, try to vividly imagine yourself taking the first step towards doing your task (or if you can, actually begin to DO the first step). See if some additional resistance shows up, and repeat the process for that resistance too. Ultimately, you will feel like the barrier to getting started has been lifted. You will be able to start with fluidity and ease. Remember: any other things that you have been resisting or would have resisted for those same reasons will also feel more fluid too – it’s like a free bonus!
I want to hear from you! Let me know what you think, and if these recommendations were helpful to you. Leave your comments below.