I was listening to a podcast entitled “How to start a business without destroying your relationship.” The speaker gave a tip for the spouse of the entrepreneur:
When your spouse comes to you and says they want to start their own business, she instructs, listen with curiosity, not panic.
Good suggestion. I’m sure it would help, IF you can do it! The advice falls short by not saying how to contain or dissolve the panic.
The Self-help Gap causes a backfire:
♦ You get some good advice that’s missing the “how” component, so you don’t know how to follow it.
♦ This then becomes one more thing to add to your list of things you’re not doing right.
♦ It undermines your self-esteem, and provides negative reinforcement for seeking help to improve and enrich your life.
As a society, we see this clearly in the health and fitness arena. Every few years there is a new diet…Scarsdale, Atkins, Paleo, and a new fitness regimine….Jassercise, Aerobics, Pilates, Zumba. But our country is still in an obesity crisis. Sorry Nike, we cannot “Just Do It.”
The tapping technique fills the Self-help Gap. It dissolves the block you face when attempting to implement these pieces of sage advice. Using the entrepreneur’s spouse as an example, here’s how it would work :
1. Right Now
Acknowledge the immediate feeling or feelings. You probably have several; write them down and start with the strongest one. Measure its intensity from 0-10. Then tap using a reminder phrase, such as… “Scared about my wife quitting her job.” When the intensity of that feeling has gone down, move onto the next, and the next, measuring the intensity for each one… “Afraid of losing financial security”, “Worried I won’t get her attention anymore”, “Feeling inadequate”, etc.
2. Back Then
Think about another occasion or experience in your past when you felt similarly. Get yourself right back in that moment, remembering as many sensory (sight, sound, smell, taste, feel) details as you can. Measure the intensity from 0-10. Then tap using a reminder phrase which combines event/emotion. Again, start with one and move on to the next as each is dissolved. For example: “Mom crying when Dad’s business failed” , “Feeling unsafe when dad’s business failed” , “At the bus stop ashamed of my cheap clothes“, “Embarrassed at the cash register without enough money”, etc.
3. Check In
Go back and think of the triggering event. Check your intensity levels of the emotions you felt in step 1. Any remaining intensity? If so, repeat step 2 with a different event. Did any new emotions surface? If so, repeat steps 1 and 2 with that new emotion.
4. Tell me how it went
I want to hear from you. How’d it work? Where do you run into the Self-help Gap? What surprised you? Please leave your comments below!